Try not to talk about politics
Unless someone directly asks
About 4 years ago I decided to only talk about politics if 1 of 5 specific conditions were true. This stopped 95% of my political conversations and made me more mellow and nice to be around.
5 Conditions Where I’ll Talk About Politics:
The other person directly asks about what I believe.
It’s clear that we both agree and the conversation would be enjoyable and yield new understanding rather than just repeat old talking points.
The other person will have some outsized effect on the world and it’s important that their beliefs are in line with mine (this is almost never true).
The other person says something bigoted or factually wrong that I feel obligated to push back on.
I expect to learn something from the other person about their political beliefs that I don’t already know.
If none of these are true, I just sit back and let people monologue and then move on. It’s been wild to see how few political conversations add up to more than saying “We’re all on the same team, isn’t that nice?” or “I have cool ideas, pay attention to me!” and how few are authentically truth-seeking.
This has had a lot of other benefits:
I’m more willing to change my mind because I’m not socially committed to specific beliefs.
I’m a better listener.
It’s easier to notice who’s listening to me and who’s excited about me.
I feel pressure to understand what beliefs are true rather than what will get me social points, and to find beliefs I can feel confident in even when I’m sitting quietly through people monologuing about something I disagree with.
It’s easier to avoid narcissists. Every now and then I meet people who want to say hyper contentious stuff just to get attention. Just nodding along helps avoid giving them narcissistic supply and they turn their attention elsewhere.
I feel more ideologically self-confident than people who need to constantly bring up what they believe.
A few other thoughts:
There’s a certain narcissism that implies that voicing your opinions to the world is important. I want to avoid listening to the part of myself that says “The universe is waiting for Andy to say what he thinks about this issue.”
The internet offers thousands of insane bad political beliefs and communities to choose from. Most offer a sense of social validation and belonging in a shared dream world of good guys and bad guys completely disconnected from actual reality. The decision to not use your politics to seek social validation is one way to avoid getting lost in crazy town.
I have a sense that people talk about politics more than they used to, thanks mostly to the internet. It’s an almost universally bad part of socializing that takes up too much time and I’m pretty convinced everyone would be better off following my rules.
In general the point of friendship is to give each other a deep sense of real company. Talking about politics almost always makes me feel like I’m failing to do that.